You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
