let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
