Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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