I'm passing your future prison.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
