what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
