Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
