Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you traded sex for a burrito?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
