got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
