All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My breasts were aching with rage.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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