How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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