he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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