You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
