It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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