I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
