I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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