My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
