Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Drunk is not a location!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
