how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
