alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
