Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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