Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
