I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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