my mouth tastes like poor choices
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
