It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
