I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
