My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
