Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
