Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
