I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
