i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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