Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
