new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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