my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
