she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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