oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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