Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
