This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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