I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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