An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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