OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
