pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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