clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
