Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
