dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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