God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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