He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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