her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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