my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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