i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
