we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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