he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
