put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
