1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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