I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we're making bets on your personal life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
