SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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