respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
