On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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