is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
