I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
where am i from again
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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