We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
