Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
